Bittersweet Love The final chapters
by WhoIamInWords11
Summary: Final chapters of bittersweet. Any advice, critisim, etc are welcomed.


**Danielle**

I looked over at my loving boyfriend from the doorway. I was dazed, unsure of what really just happened. "Um?" was all I could really say.

He looked over at me, a loving look on his face. I shook my head, trying to shake off the confused feelings and went to him. He opened his arms for me. I sat on his lap and he pulled me close. "What's her problem?" I asked him, wondering if he had anything to do with her mood.

He shrugged and wrapped his strong arms tighter around me. "Beats me," he said. He pulled my face to his and kissed me. I couldn't help but smile. It felt so great waking up to him every morning. Of course once you got past the, my best friend found us embarrassment. He smiled a glowing smile at me and laid his head on my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair without even really thinking about it. I was in another world; thinking about that little scene I had ran in on between Jaz and Tom. "What do you want to do today?" he asked me, pulling his head away to look at me.

I looked down at him and took his head in my hands. I shrugged. "I'm not really sure. We _do_ have the whole day to ourselves," I said laughing. If this was life with him forever, I could definitely do it. It meant so much knowing he would be there when I woke up. Knowing he was mine. I could get used to it. I secretly hoped my mom's trip would get extended. I never wanted this moment to end.

He kissed my hand. "So I have good news," he said smiling.

I looked down at him and returned the smile. "What's that?"

He kissed me hand again. Then looked up at me and kissed my neck. I closed my eyes, just letting the silence fill my emotions. It felt great. He kept kissing me but spoke through the kisses. "I spoke with Jaz for you," he said.

I nodded, vaguely aware of what he said. "Oh yeah? What about?" I asked.

He kissed the corner of my mouth. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He smiled innocently. Then it clicked, the standoff between them this morning when I walked in, he talked to her. I leaned back a little. "Wait, what did you say?" I asked cautiously.

"Just told her that everyone was here for her. That she was strong enough to get over this. That it was time to move on," he said hesitantly, catching the worried tone in my voice before.

"You did what?" I asked quietly, playing back every word he just said in my head. "You told her what?" I repeated.

"I just wanted you both to be ok," he whispered.

I jumped up off his lap. "Shit shit shit!" I yelled at myself. I saw him flinch out of the corner of my eye, like I had hit him, like I was yelling at him. I immediately felt bad. I looked over at him remorsefully.

"I messed up didn't I?" he asked.

I sighed, pacing the room. "Yeah, but it's not your fault. It's mine," I told him. "I should've said something in the first place. I should've known better. I was just being selfish," I said, pinching the bridge of my nose and clamping my eyes shut. I was resisting the urge to scream.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. I opened my eyes and let go of my nose. He hung his head.

I kneeled in front of him. "No Tommy. It's not your fault. I know you were just trying to help. It's just… well I wish you wouldn't have said anything to her. I wish I would've said something to her earlier. I wish I would've talked to her like the best friend I'm trying to be. I'm not angry with you at all honey," I said taking his head in my hands. I kissed his forehead. "Now Jaz I'm not so sure about."

He grimaced. "I'll take you to her," he whispered again.

I looked up into his green eyes and felt terrible for my little outbreak earlier. "Ok," I whispered back to him. I kissed him and ran to my room. I changed out of my pajamas and ran a brush through my hair then went back out to him.

He had put on some jeans and a jacket and was waiting uneasily for me, keys in hand.

"Hey!" I whispered to him. I crossed the room as quickly as I could and wrapped my arms around his neck. "It's ok honey. I'm honestly not mad at you. I know what your intentions were. I'm angry with myself and I'm worried about her. I love you no less than I already did," I promised.

"I know," he said in his sorry voice again. I pulled his face to mine and kissed him, showing him that it was ok and that I still loved him. When it was over he reached behind his head and took my hand in his. "Let's go," he whispered.

"Alright," I said to him. Then he walked me to his jeep and took me to go find my best friend.

So I could tell her I was sorry and I was an idiot. To tell her a lot of the same things I told him. Some of the same things that ought to be imprinted in her brain by now.

To tell her I love her.

The only challenge was finding her first.

**Jasmine**

I drove around for the longest time to avoid going the two places I wasn't welcome right now. Yet, somehow I ended up back at my house.

I pulled into the driveway and shut off the engine. It was 11:30 in the afternoon and mom would be at work. Even the freeloader would be gone. I _did_ need clothes. But I wondered how much I needed them.

I forced myself out of the car and reluctantly went inside. As I shut the door behind me I could still feel the tension of the fight still floating around. I decided to hurry and get my clothes and get out. I didn't like being there that long.

I went to my room and dumped out all the dirty clothes and started to pack the bag with clean clothes. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw something on my bed. I stopped and turned to the bed.

Sure enough, there was about 125 letters stacked on my bed, with a note on it.

**I can't stop you forever Jaz.**

**It was only a matter of time. You want it, here it is.**

**- Mom.**

I looked at the first letter. The return address said: Tony Kensington on all of them. At first I was worried about what my mom thought about all the letters. She had to face the reality that the reason I asked her those questions wasn't because I was "just wondering." That kind of bugged me, but then I thought about what she did to our family and all feeling of being sorry drained away.

I finished packing my bag and threw the letters on top and high-tailed it out of there. As I locked the door behind me and turned around I found my best friend leaning against the driver-side door. I stopped where I was.

"Before you say anything let me explain," she said, holding her hands up in defense.

I stood there and waited for whatever it was she had to say.

"Jaz, Tom should have _never_ said anything. But I shouldn't have said anything to him either. I'm the one who messed up here. I know. I just… I was so torn apart by watching you not sleep every night. And seeing you suffer through it all. And I hate it. It kills me seeing you like that. I needed him there with me so _I_ can sleep. He's my piece of mind."

I sighed. "D that is probably the shittiest apology I have _ever_ heard!" I said walking away. She ran after me and caught me by the arm. I threw it off. "Like that is going to make it all okay. Every morning I wake up and my best friend isn't there! Then to top it all off her boyfriend tells me its cause of me! That it's my fault and that I need to just 'get over it.' Well gee, what the hell was I thinking?"

"Jaz calm down hon."

I shook my head. "No! Why should I calm down?" I got right in her face. "I'm sorry I'm such a burden to you Danielle. I didn't mean to inconvenience you. I just…" I stopped and shook my head.

"You just what?" she asked.

"Nothing, forget it," I said walking away.

She ran in front of me. "No, you just what Jaz?"

"I just needed you! Okay? Happy?" I sighed. "D… I don't know where else to go. Or what else to do. I just thought that you understood that. I'm alone right now."

"I do understand that Jaz," she whispered.

"No, you don't. You have Tom, who will be there whenever you need him. And then there's me. The emotional train wreck. I understand okay? I've been a sorry excuse for a friend lately. There's just nothing I can do about it right now."

"I know that Jaz."

"If you know that then why all this?"

She shrugged. "I'm just scared as much as you I guess. I don't know what to do about any of this; we've never had to do it before. And it all seems to be coming at once."

"You're telling me D."

"I'm sorry Jaz. I really am. I was way out of line, and I just… I don't even know how to tell you how sorry I am."

I hugged her tight. "Don't sweat it D. It's hard. I know."

She sighed and hugged me back. "Let's get some lunch. The whole day, just me and you. How's that sound?"

I nodded. "Sounds amazing," I said.

I let her drive the rest of the time.

"So where to eat?" she asked.

I shrugged and slid down in the passenger seat. I really felt like sleeping for a month.

"Tired?" she asked, as I nodded off.

I tried to sit up and keep my eyes open. "Hmm? Oh, No I'm wide awake," I said making my eyes wide.

She laughed. "Mmhmm, well I'm glad. So, where we eating?"

"Um… How about Cracker Barrel?"

She nodded. "Cracker Barrel it is. On me," she said smiling.

I clutched my bag close. I was kind of worried I'd leave it in the car and I was very anxious to read the letters. My heart raced but I had it under control.

"Jaz?" she asked quietly.

"Hmm," I groaned, struggling to stay awake.

"Why _haven't_ you been sleeping?"

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I shrugged. "Um… I don't know D. It's like every time I close my eyes all I see is him. Inside me when I don't want him to be. Then I wake up and I'm alone again. I hate that. Being alone."

She nodded. "Jaz… I'm so sorry. I should have known better than to leave you like that. You have to know that I would never leave you alone though. I'd never leave you. I love you."

"I know Danielle. You've said it so much.'

"Yeah, but Jaz it's so much more than the words. You know that."

"Mhm," I closed my eyes. I wasn't tired anymore. In fact I was totally awake. But I didn't want to talk about it anymore. It would only bring tears to my eyes and I'd done enough crying to last us both a lifetime. Truth is my friend may love me. But not enough. Not like she loves Tom. I'll never compare.

We ate lunch and went through it peacefully. Talking about everything. Well everything that was _safe_ to talk about. Then we went back to D's house. Tom's jeep was outside and I knew he wanted to talk to her.

"D, I'm just going to go take a nap. I'll talk to you later."

"Ok Jaz. I'll check on you in a bit."

I knew I confused Danielle. The way I've been lately. Hell, I confused myself. One second I was happy and content with the way things were going. But somehow things changed. Though they weren't much different a few months ago. My mom was still dating a skeezeball. I was still sharing D with Tom. And I still was alone, even though I had a boyfriend. Who by some great chance happened to be a freak.

Things had barely changed at all. Really the only thing that did was that mom was going to marry that loser some day, despite my better wishes, and I didn't have a boyfriend anymore. I was the same teenager bruised by circumstance and boy did those bruises hurt.

I walked inside the house. Tom and D were standing in the doorway. He had his arm around her waist. "Jasmine, I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

D watched me.

"It's ok Tom," I told him. I walked away from them. Quickly closing the bedroom door behind me. I slid to the floor. My heart was racing. It hurt me seeing them like that. They were so happy together. Anybody with eyes could see that. No matter how much they didn't want to. I'm sure even a blind person could sense it.

It made it so hard to be mad at them. It wasn't like my mom and Kyle. He didn't love her. But Tom. Tom loved D. With all of his heart, that much was evident. I hated it.

I remembered what it was like when it was just the two of us. D and I. We were all each other had. Before the sex and boyfriends. When we both said we wouldn't get married. That it would just be the two of us for the rest of our lives. When we thought that all we needed was each other's love. Then we grew up.

I hated that.

**Danielle**

"Hey, let's go for a walk," Tom suggested.

I looked at him. He wanted to talk. I could see it in his eyes. "Ok," I whispered. I wrapped my arm in his and closed the door behind us. "What's up?" I asked at the sidewalk.

He raised his eyebrows. "Nothing. I just wanted to walk," he said.

It was a nice day out. The sun was shining and the grass seemed greener than it had been in a long time. All the flowers had bloomed, vibrant, and beautiful. He couldn't have picked a better day to go for a walk.

We were silent a moment. Just taking in the day. I could hardly believe that it would be dark in a few hours. My day had gone from bad, to worse, to possibly better, to peaceful and serene. No matter how mad I get at Tom I can't stay mad at him for too long. He always has a way of making me feel better about everything. I don't know what it is.

"So where are we going?" I asked him, breaking the silence.

He laughed softly. "Why are you so impatient today?"

I considered it. "I'm not impatient. Just… anxious."

He smiled and put his hand in his pocket. "Well… why are you so anxious?"

I shrugged. "Just an anxious day I guess."

He put his arm around my shoulder and kissed my forehead. "Well calm the nerves would ya? Your spreading them to me!"

I pretended to wipe off anything invisible on my sleeves. "Better you than me," I laughed.

We walked through the park. All around us there were children with their parents, laughing and swinging, and playing in the dirt. There were old couples sitting on the benches holding hands and enjoying the scenery.

I loved this park. So much was going on. But you couldn't be closer to heaven if you weren't sitting in that park. It was perfectly serene. Perfectly beautiful and peaceful and allowed even the person most hurt by sorrow to feel internal peace.

I sat on a bench and patted the spot next to me. "Come sit with me," I told him. We were on a hill top. Looking out there were fields of grass, and guys playing catch with their dogs.

I turned to him. "So, what's on your mind?"

He sighed and bounced his knee.

"Now who's anxious?"

"We had our first date in this park. You remember?" he asked.

I nodded, remembering it well. "A game of football. Before things kicked off for you. Before you made captain and things fell into place. I remember well."

His eyes glazed over. He was remembering too. "I let you win," he said distant.

"No, I remember winning that game fair and square."

He laughed.

"Tommy," I said touching his arm. "What is going on?" I asked.

"D," he sighed. "I'm sorry."

My heart stopped. "Why?"

"For everything. See fact of the matter is I'm in love with someone."

I looked at him. "Uh?"

"The first time I was saw her I was here. Just sitting, and she walked past me and I've been in love ever since. I'm sorry," he said sorrowful.

I stood up and paced in front of him. How did this happen? I wondered. "Tom, um..? What is going on? H-How…. did _this_ happen?"

He stood up behind me. "Danielle. I'm sorry. It just kind of happened."

Tears streamed down my face. "Tommy, I don't know that I want to hear this." I turned away from him. "Why couldn't you just say, 'oh its not working for more anymore,' and been done? Or how about all those nights we just spent together. All that time wasted just to find out you don't love me anymore."

Tom touched my shoulder. "Dani, I never said that."

I shrugged away from him. "You didn't have too," I said. I went to the edge of the hill. "What's so special about her?"

He was silent a minute. "What isn't? She cares about people, especially me. She is so generous and loving and does anything and everything she can for other people. Plus, she loves me, she sacrifices everything she can for me."

I nodded. "She sounds great," I choked out.

"I love _you_ Dani."

I turned to him. "Do you?"

He was dumb- struck. "You don't remember yet?"

"Remember?"

"This park," he said. He stepped closer to me. "This spot right here."

I shook my head. I was stuck between being really hurt and really angry with him. I never thought in a million years… but why not?

"This day?" He looked at me.

I crossed my arms.

"April 6th, sophomore year. You ran through here and I was sitting on that same bench," he said, pointing to the bench we had been sitting on just a little bit ago.

I looked at it. It was coming back to me. "I never usually ran through here in the mornings, but I wanted a change of scenery," I choked out.

He nodded. "I was having a bad day so I came here to calm down."

"And I wasn't paying attention so I ran into you on accident."

He laughed. "But I didn't move at all."

"No!" I laughed too. "_I_ fell down."

He smiled. "Yeah. D… that's when I fell in love with you. I know it took me a long time to tell you that, but I'd loved you from the beginning." He wiped away my tears.

"What?" I asked, confused.

He got down on one knee and held my hand in his. "You are perfect. The most caring, loving, selfless person I know. I love _you_ and only you. I thought you knew that."

"Tommy, I- I thought you loved someone else."

He kissed my hand. "How could I?" He reached in his pocket and pulled away a ring.

I looked at it. Tears were coming back, rolling down my cheeks.

"Danielle I love you with all my heart. So much that the next steps in our loves, college, and jobs, and anything else, I couldn't imagine without you. I don't _want_ to love anyone else or be with anyone else but you."

I wiped away my tears. I probably looked terrible. "I don't want to do it without you either Tommy."

"Marry me Dani? Share your life with me?"

I was suddenly aware of the group of people around us. "Say yes!" all the women were saying. An elderly old woman tapped me on the shoulder. "He really is a nice boy young lady. He'd make a great husband," she said.

I smiled at her. "Thank you." I kneeled down in front of him.

"Hey you're supposed to stay up there," he smiled.

"When have you ever known me to do things right?"

He smiled.

"Tommy, of course I'll marry you. Without you my world would stop spinning."

He grinned and put the ring on my finger. "I love you D."

I smiled back at him. "I love you too baby," I said kissing my new fiancé.

"One more thing though."

"What's that?" he asked.

I punched him hard as I could in the shoulder.

"Ouch," he laughed. "What was that for?"

"Don't you ever do that to me again!" I told him.

He smiled. "Promise."

**Jasmine**

I opened letter 175 out of the 200 I must've had in my pile. So far, obviously, I'd got nothing but guys who aren't my father. All basically written the same way.

Jasmine,

I hate to tell you this but I'm not your father. It sounds like you deserve more than anything to find this man and show him just how wonderful you really are. I only hope one day my own daughter will turn out to be like you. I wish you the best of luck young lady.

- Mr. Kensington.

For the 175th time I ripped up the letter and set it in the pile next to my bag. I wondered how many more rejections I could take. Yet, I pushed on. Opening another letter. Again, a no-go.

I sighed as the front door opened.

I checked my nerves and my heart rate. Both even at the moment. I wondered if I was still upset at my best friend and her boyfriend. I stood up and stretched my legs and my back and composed myself to face them.

"Hey guys," I said, leaving the room and joining them in the living room.

D turned away from Tom. She grinned at me. "Hey best friend!" She said catching me in a tight hug.

I was temporarily shocked. Then the light hit her hand just right. I gasped. "Hey, D," I choked out. I tried to hold back tears. 'Not again,' I thought.

She pulled away and watched my face. "Everything ok?" she asked skeptically.

I nodded. "Yeah, I just woke up," I said trying to hide my real feelings.

She smiled. "Great! We have something to tell you."

I look at Tom. "What's that?"

She held out her hand for me to see. "Tom and I are going to get married!" she said grinning.

I pulled the edges of my mouth up quickly and small. "Ah D! Tha- That's great!" I said, faking enthusiasm.

She hugged me again. "I want you to be my maid of honor of course! We have a few months. Probably right around this Christmas."

I wanted to ask her if she was getting ahead of herself but decided against it. Danielle was genuinely happy, and nothing, not even my superfluous sulking was going to ruin it. So I put on a fake smile and joined in the happiness and planning with the two of them and I pretended like I was as just as excited and happy. I pretended like we hadn't been going through hell for the past few months.

For a second I almost forgot it. Then D yawned and I looked at the clock and it all came back. It was time for me to leave. Ready or not.

I stood up. "I should get going D," I told her.

She watched me. "You sure? You don't have to Jaz."

I nodded. "I know, I know. But it's time for me to face the music back home."

She smiled. "Ok, call me if you need me, and take my car."

I packed my bags and hurried out, leaving D and Tom to talk about their future alone. It wasn't something I should've been a part of anyways. I went straight home.

It was a Sunday night and I figured mom and Kyle weren't home anyways. They weren't. I walked inside and sat in the living room waiting. I wondered what I would say to my mother. How I would be able to act like I was ok with everything. I wasn't, but I had to pretend right?

I was getting anxious and my heart was picking up speed. So I put my clothes away and cleaned the house top to bottom. Trying to avoid what my thoughts were saying and trying to slow my heart back down.

I finished much to quickly and sat back down in the living room. Eventually mom came strolling in. She kicked off her shoes and went straight back to her room, not even noticing me. I sat silently.

She came back into the room. "Jaz?" she asked.

I flipped on a light. "Hey ma," I said hoarsely.

Her hands glued to her hips. "Your home?"

I nodded and stood up. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I uh… I cleaned the house for you."

She smiled softly. "I know. Thank you."

"Mom, I'm sorry… abou-"

Kyle walked in. "Hey I got everything… out of the car… Hi Jaz," he grinned.

I looked at mom, tongue in cheek. My heart picked up speed and my anger rose.

She avoided my gaze. "Jazzy, Kyle moved in here while you were gone."

I nodded. "Oh," I managed.

"It's just that it was lonely and I-"

"Uh… ma? I'm just gonna go to bed ok?"

"You sure kiddo?" she asked, concern on her face.

I looked at Kyle. "Yeah, I'm just exhausted is all," I reassured her. "I'm just gonna sleep it off."

"Ok honey, don't forget to take your medicine ok?"

"Yeah," was all I could say.

I went to my room and slammed the door behind me.

My room was spotless. If mom came in she'd be proud of me. She always used to get on me about keeping my room clean. All I could think about was trashing it.

I was so mad I could barely breathe. I got my medicine out of the bedside table and looked at the label. '_Don't forget to take your medicine'_ I thought. I threw the pill bottle at the wall and the lid popped off. Little white pills laid all over my floor.

My heart thumped against my chest. It felt like it wanted out to take a walk. In a knee jerk reaction I picked up my phone and typed out a text message to D, hoping she'd cheer me up. Before I hit send, though, I remembered today's events.

My phone joined the pills, in pieces, on the floor.

I had a fit of fury and threw anything within a 5 foot radius of my body. By the time I was done it looked like my room and I had gotten in a fight, and I won.

I threw myself on my bed, tears streaming down my face.

Here I was a 17 year old girl losing her best friend and her mother.

Then I remembered. I still had a good handful of letters left. I still had one speck of hope. I ripped open my bag and pulled out all the unopened letters.

There were 25 left.

I ripped them open one by one reading only the first sentence.

Dear Jasmine,

I'm sorry to inform you---

The same sentence over and over again until I had only 5 letters left. I seriously thought about forgetting it. Just ripping them all up and forgetting it. Then I decided against it and decided to open one last letter. It could either make me or break me but I couldn't give up just yet.

It was interesting to me. Putting all my hope in that one letter. Hoping that those few words any man could ever type or write or stamp or whatever could ever turn my life around. Like my father could say some words that would make everything that had happened ok.

I guess I forgot that life doesn't work that way. Not for me, or anybody else for that matter. All I had was hope, and unfortunately hope had done nothing but screw me over lately.

My hands shook as I opened this last letter. I knew it had to be it. It just had to. My heart picked up pace and I took a deep breath, trying to regulate it.

Jasmine,

To begin with I AM your father. Well, actually, trying to reduce the risk of sounding like something I'm not. I'm the guy who got your mother pregnant.

Jasmine I'm sorry that I wasn't there. That I wasn't who you'd hope I would be. I'm really really sorry to inform you that I'm still not that guy.

I am proud of you Jasmine. Being 17 and all, and graduating soon. Something any father should be proud of. But I'm not a father. I'm a man who made a mistake.

Try to understand what I'm saying. You're not a mistake. But making you was. There is a reason your mother and I didn't end up together and have that fairy tale ending and its simply because I'm not the fairy tale kind of guy.

Jasmine, this communication. It ends here. I know that all you've wanted is a father figure. Someone to be there for you. I understand that, really I do. My own father wasn't there for me. Maybe that's why I can't be one to you. Truth is, you should hate me.

I'm not going to try to argue with you or persuade you otherwise. I can't be what or who you want me to be.

I do love you Jasmine. Just not enough to change who I am.

Tony

I read through it quickly, to eager to understand what happened. Then I read through it slower, fully understanding what he said. By the time I finished the letter for the third time my face was tear stained. I clenched my jaw and wadded up the stupid letter, throwing it at the wall.

Curiosity had me wondering if I could ever get past this. How could a man be so heartless to someone? Then again what else should I have expected. I didn't know the man. I shouldn't have hoped for anything.

I threw the rest of the letters away and looked around the room. It was a disaster. I picked up the pieces of my phone and put the pills back in the bottle. I looked at the label.

Take one only when needed. Do not exceed more than 6 in an 8 hour period.

The words 'only when needed,' circled around in my head. I definitely needed one. My heart had been racing ever since D got home from her walk with Tom. I opened the bottle and dropped a few pills in my hand. I counted them.

One. Two. Three. Four.

I dropped them all in to my mouth and dry swallowed them. They were hard and dry in my throat. It felt like they'd be stuck there forever. Then eventually the feeling went away, but my heart didn't slow down.

I read the label through again. Then the answer hit like a ton of bricks. Almost literally. I took four more pills and stretched out on my bed. I knew what I was doing with my body and I knew what I wanted.

I pulled out some paper and wrote two more letters. Taking a pill every 10 minutes. When I was done I addressed my letters and got ready for bed.

Fully aware that I wasn't going to wake up in the morning.

**Danielle**

Tom and I got up early the next morning so we could clean up the house a little. I made him breakfast. Omelets. His favorite breakfast food.

He smiled at me. "Mm babe! Yummy!" I laughed and cleaned up my dishes.

We got ready for school and I rode with him. Jaz had my car.

When we got to school I wasn't sure where Jaz was. She is never usually late. Especially after Micheal. She didn't want to be home anymore than she wanted to be around people.

"Hey, you go ahead ok? I'm just going to wait here for Jasmine," I told Tom. He nodded and kissed my cheek.

"Mkay, see you in a bit babe."

I stood at Jasmine's locker for a good half hour. We always went to school extra early to spend time with each other. We don't get very much time together during the week. The bell rang and I decided to wait a little longer. I stood there for ten more minutes and still no Jasmine.

I texted her.

Hey Jaz. You sick today? I miss you.

I ran to class, I was late. I whispered a quick apology to my teacher and took my seat next to Tommy. We worked in silence and I just drew little pictures on my paper waiting for Jasmine to text me back.

Tom leaned across. "You see her?"

I scrunched my eyebrows together. "Well, no. She didn't show up. I hope she's ok."

He nodded. "I'm sure she is honey," he said, squeezing my hand.

I smiled at him. "Love you," I mouthed.

He went back to his work.

The intercom came on. "Mrs. Rivers? I need Danielle Suthers to the front office please. She'll need her bags."

Tom raised his eyebrows at me.

I shrugged and packed up my backpack.

I walked to the front office wondering what was going on? Did I forget something and mom brought it to me? But why would I need my bags? Did I get in trouble? But why? For being late? I was so confused.

As I neared the front office I could see my mom standing at the counter. She was in tears. My heart was racing. What happened?

"Mom?" I asked opening the door.

"Oh Dani!" she sobbed.

"Mom! What happened?"

She tried to hold in her tears. "Its Jasmine hon."

My heart stopped. "What?"

She held out an envelope with my name on it. It was in Jasmine's writing. My legs gave out and I was on the floor. Tears came to my eyes. It was like the words came through the envelope. I knew my best friend was gone.

Mom sobbed and I couldn't get up. I didn't know how I was ever going to be able to fix my heart. I could literally feel it breaking.

"Jasmine," I whispered to myself. "Why?"

Then I couldn't speak anymore. I was in tears.

**Tom**

D had been gone a really long time. It was 3rd period by the time I realized that I hadn't seen her in almost 5 hours.

I texted her.

Hey honey. Where you go?

She didn't text me back. I left during fourth period and called Danielle. She didn't pick up. I was really worried. I drove to her house and her mom answered the door.

"Hey Mrs. Suthers. Is Danielle here?"

She had a tear stained face. "She's in her room Tom. I think you're the only one she'll listen to."

I nodded. I thought I'd ask what was wrong, but I wasn't sure that I even wanted to know. I walked past her to Danielle's room."

She was laying on her bed with tears running down her face. I don't think she even noticed that I walked in. I curled up next to her and pulled her in my arms. "I'm sorry D," I whispered.

She sobbed. "She's dead Tommy,"

My heart stopped. "D, babe. I'm so sorry."

We laid there not talking for a very long time. Eventually her tears stopped and she fell asleep in my arms. I don't think she felt any better she was just too tired to keep crying.

I got up and went out into the living room. D's mom was sitting there with Jasmine's. Both in tears. They looked up at me. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "Danielle is asleep. I'm going to go change I think. If it's ok I want to be here when she wakes up."

"Thank you Tom."

I nodded and started to leave then I turned back to the two mothers. "I'm really sorry to ask this, but can you tell me what happened?"

Jasmine's mom turned to me. "She took too many of her heart pills and stopped her heart," she sobbed. "I'm not sure why. My letter didn't tell me. I'm sure she told Danielle more than me. How could I have ignored my own daughter so much that I didn't see this happen? My baby is gone!"

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. I left and went home. I wanted more than anything to be with Danielle. But I couldn't help her if I didn't get myself together first. It hurt me seeing her like that.

When I got back D was up. "Hey," I whispered.

She sat there staring at the wall, clutching her knees. "Hey," she whispered, hoarsely.

"I thought you were asleep,"

She nodded. "Can only sleep so much."

I looked at her hand, she had an envelope in her hand. She waved it at me. "From Jaz," she whispered. "I don't think I can read it. Not for a while," she sobbed.

I sat next to her. "Hey come here."

She buried her head in my shoulder and cried. "I'm so sorry I'm being like this. I love you."

"I love you too."

It was all I could really say. I do love Danielle. Even if there is nothing else I can do. I can do that.

**Danielle**

Jasmine's funeral was today. It was an open casket and she looked so beautiful. Like she always did. I wish it would've been a closed casket. Then it would've been easier to say goodbye. I was so sure she was going to get up and come sit next to me, but she never did.

Her mom was a wreck. Kyle wasn't there. When she woke up the next morning and went to check on Jaz, she knew something was wrong. Jaz was still in bed. Of course when she realized why it was too late.

Apparently she got a letter from Jaz too. She broke off the engagement with Kyle instantly, without a moment's hesitation. After they bury Jasmine she's going to go find her father. It's what she keeps telling my mom.

I wasn't any better. I didn't read Jaz's letter until after the funeral. I couldn't. It would mean that she was really gone. Although, sitting there in the funeral parlor looking at my friend for hours didn't bring her back. Watching her casket descend into the ground without any chance of it coming back up didn't either. Reading her letter. It didn't bring her back, it didn't make me feel ok with her being gone. That was never going to be something I would just accept.

I loved Jasmine. I still do. She was, is my baby sister. Someone I should have protected. I should never have let her out of my sight. I should have been one hell of a better friend. Nothing should have become between us.

The only thing is I _should have_. Meaning I can't anymore. I made a mistake and despite my wishes, I can't go back and change it. I can't go back and show Jasmine how much worth she has and that I need her in my life. I can't hold her and tell her it'll all be ok, and vice versa.

Part of me wanted to text her during the funeral and tell her I needed her. Then as I pulled out my phone, I looked up, and I remembered. My best friend wouldn't answer me back. She lay, lifeless in front of me.

I asked Tom not to go with me. To stay home and wait. Saying goodbye to Jasmine was something I had to do alone. When I got home he wasn't there. So I changed into a pair of Jaz's sweats. (I'd taken from her house when I helped her mom pick out her outfit). Then I laid down and read Jaz's letter.

My hands shook and I considered talking myself out of it. Then before I knew it the letter was in my hands and unfolded.

Dear D,

It said.

If your reading this it means I went through with what I felt at the minute. The minute I'm writing this, that is. Danielle. I love you. Please don't doubt that for a second. I just couldn't take it anymore… I know that sounds overly cliché. I'm not generally one to be like that. You just have to understand that my world came crashing down all at once. I guess despite being good at so many things, life, was one thing I couldn't seem to get a handle on. Or understand. Or be able to deal with.

Understand that throughout though Dani. You were always, and even though I'm gone now, you will always be my best friend and my sister. D I love you with all my heart, that at this point that I'm writing this is still beating.

I guess right now, my thinking is that if my heart stops beating than it won't hurt anymore you know? I won't have to worry about it speeding up anymore. I won't have to worry about what happens when I forget my pills in the morning. I won't stress you or mom or Tom out anymore.

I know your saying right now that I wasn't stressing you out. But truth is I was D. I know I was. I think I figured that if you never said anything then nothing bad was happening. Then it would all be ok. But not even words could have spoke louder D. I know I was a burden. I was deliberately that way.

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. You're not.

I've said it before and it'll be the last thing I "say" to you because it's true. I don't want you to remember me this way. I don't want you to remember the way I was the past few weeks. I want you to remember one thing and one thing only.

And that is that I love you. That you were my world when I needed it most. And even when my world came crashing down one thing remained. Even when you thought you couldn't handle it anymore. There you were. I want you to know that I love you.

God D, how I love you. With my whole heart and mind, body, and oh god my soul. You're the best sister a girl could ask for. Understand that.

Of course you'll remember what you will. But D. Even if you do remember the bad parts. Just know that nothing. Not Micheal or Kyle or my dad ever deterred my love for you.

That's the only thing I have. The only thing I can promise you. Even in death D I'm with you. Right there under your right breast. Every time your heart beats think of me and know that I'm thinking of you.

I love you so incredibly much.

- Your baby sis.

Jasmine.

Part of me wanted to punch a hole through the wall. The other part wishes Jaz was there so I could shake some sense into her. Then the other part was just going to do what she said. I wasn't going to remember that last memory of her lying in that casket. Or of her being sad. I was going to remember her happy, joking, smiling, loving. Those would be the only stories I ever told my kids, and grandkids, and anybody else who asked or needed to know.

I'd say that my best friend was the best person you'd ever met. She'd put a smile on your face within 5 seconds of being around her. Even when you didn't want to. And she sure knew how to make you feel good about everything even when everything clearly sucked. And the last thing I would say is that she loved me even when it was harder than hell to love herself.

Cuz, truth is, even when it was harder to believe it. Even when the days go on and I wake up and my best friend _still_ isn't there. Through my wedding and college and the rest of my life. I'll always know Jasmine _did_ love me. No matter how bittersweet that love may seem.


End file.
